When I left you, the ebil squirrel was back, or had awoken from a two day nap, or he sent one of his buddies to continue this squirrel army invasion! We'll never know for sure, but it was making the biggest racket and we were about to be herded into the laundry room again! The horrors!!
Momma and daddy didn't want a repeat of us all trying to escape, I mean, go out to head off the rest of the invading army! So they decided we should get locked up first. Glitter was easy to scoop up because she came down from her perch on the cat tree to say hi hi to daddy. Cashmere refused to come downstairs and so was given a reprieve from the governor, I mean daddy. And I decided I was better off under momma's bed and that's where I darn well stayed! Someone had to keep an eye on her! Or at least her ankles...(she was sittin' on the side of the bed, fyi)
Right off the bat, daddy noticed a big problem. "Ut oh.." is never something you want to hear. But you REALLY don't want to hear it in the middle of a squirrel invasion!
Dread dripped off of mom's voice when she said "ut oh what?" I don't think she really wanted to hear it. "It's not in the chimney anymore is it?" she almost squeaked. Come to think of it, she almost sounded like she was trying to speak ebil squirrel speak! is she in cahoots with them?? No, not my mommy! She better not be...
Daddy said he didn't think so. He thought it was behind the water heater, IN the house, not behind the wall behind the water heater where it had been before. Why doesn't it leave then? Mom was still squeak/squealing. That stuff bothers my ears, but if I came out to protest, someone would lock me up, so I stayed put! I think I'm a freakin' hero for that, ha! You just try to sit still when she's in screechy mode, you'll want combat pay too!
Mom's suggestion that daddy get down and look under the water heater was met with resistance. Apparently daddy prefers not to have the flesh ripped from his face by deranged rodents in fancy fur suits with fluffy tails. Hey.. fancy fur suits with fluffy tails.... Oh wait, I'm not in the rodent family, I'm in the awesomely cool exceptional cat family! whew! crisis averted! Anyway, no go on the looking the critter eye to eye, not even to assess if it really was there. Mom said take a picture! He did, but there's no flash on his phone (daddy still has a flip phone, pity him) so mom said use hers, but he got out the real camera instead, stuck his hand over the top of the water heater and aimed it downward. Guess what he got a picture of!
No, really, guess!
Right! Ebil Squirrel!!!
Mom had to lighten the picture a bunch so you could really see our invader. There he is, in all his slavering, snarling, scary glory!
Ebil Squirrel: Nobody here but us dust motes....
Do not be fooled by his low to the ground petrified demeanor, he's just posing, trying to look sympathetic for the camera. Don't buy it!
One thing the camera showed was that he was kinda stuck. There's not enough room between the water heater and the wall for him to run through. So that must be why he isn't running out the door. Mom noticed the black thing around the base of the water heater, it's supposed to be some kind of filter to keep dust and cat hair out of the burner or air part or whatever. Mom said take it off, then he can leave by going under. Dad was skeptical and again, didn't want to get down there and you know, the ripping and shredding of face flesh and all that.
So Mom turned on the Bat Signal, sent out the call to Superman, lit the Green Lantern, called in the Superheros!!! Ok, she called twin 2 and asked her if her husband or anyone she knew were into any sport where they had a helmet with a face guard. "I got this" Twin 2 said, donning her tights and cape and adjusting her mask! She was here in a Flash! She came equipped with her super tools, ie, a wire basket and an adjustable baby gate.
She put the gate up to keep the ebilness from coming into the living room when it eventually decided to leave. The big wire basket was to protect faces from ebil claws! First thing they did was get the black filter thingie off and out of the way. Another peek over the water heater showed that the squirrel was no longer in sight! He must be under it! Run! Run you nasty ebil beast! Run and be free to terrorize the outside once more! Run! Flea! Take off! Scamper away! Depart our dwelling you awful critter! ...um, you can go now.... Hello...
Time for another picture, face far from shredding zone.
Ebil Squirrel: *coughcough* you people ever think about sweeping under here?
Have you ever heard of a filter? You know, one that works...
Well, he's definitely under the water heater now. And it's lower than we all thought. Is he stuck? Don't think so, but he's pretty much just sitting there, hiding.
Wonder Warrior Twin to the rescue again! She gets out the broom and sticks it over the top and down to try to chase him out. His ebilness was unimpressed. Then, with a flourish of her might hand, WWT pulled out her mightiest, most powerful, weapon! Google!
Mom was unimpressed with the mighty google's first suggestion of using apple cider vinegar. How's a smell going to shift someone who's too scared to move? (can you believe mom was starting to sympathize with that ebil thing? Is this Stockholm syndrome? Does it happen that fast??) The second suggestion was loud noises. Again, mom poo poos it, saying that'll just scare it further back into the corner. Wonder Warrior Twin (WWT) was not swayed! She found a pan and a spoon and started a-bangin' away!
Holy carp! now I wanted to run!!!! But I was.. um, busy guarding mom's ankles, from under the bed. Deep under the bed. Way far back under the bed.... I think mom wanted to join me though, she was getting screechy again. Daddy backed away, maybe he wanted under the bed too. It was about to get crowded under there.
WWT stopped finally, I mean, to see if it was doing any good. She was on the stairs, daddy was heading from the living room to the roundy round to get to the other side, not between the water heater and the door, when mom saw it! Just as quiet and stealthily as it could, it scamper/hopped out the door and skedaddled away!
"It's gone!" mom shouted, "Shut the door!!!!" Daddy questioned her, was she sure. The look momma gave him (and I swear I could feel it from under the bed!) said she was sure and he probably shouldn't ask that again.. Yes, the ebil thing was gone!!!
The Wonder Warrior Twin gathered the tools of her trade and strode out with the confidence of a job well done and drove off into the setting sun, like the hero she was.
Now, here's the real question... Was this the same ebil squirrel? A second one? If he was the same, what was he doing those quiet days.. had he escaped and came back again? Are they sending their ebil army one maniac berserker at a time? Are we safe? Or do we have to keep a constant vigil at the water heater?
I, for one, plan to patrol the water heater several times a day, just to keep my family safe! And if I hear so much as one tiny chitter, why I'll alert everyone from under the bed before you can say SQUIRRRRRRRELLLL!!!